Sunday, August 26, 2012

When a boy becomes a man


「我係單親家庭長大。」一杯啤酒下肚,他竟說起自己的身世。「我同爸爸一齊。佢話我阿媽係我三個月大嗰陣時已經死咗。」他冷笑,「大個咗之後,都有諗過搵佢,但後尾又諗,咁又點唧,唔通問返佢點解走咗去?」他再笑,顯得無奈。

他說中三時第一份工是派傳單,「環境所逼,無錢啊嘛!十幾蚊一個鐘,個半鐘先可以買到一個麥當勞餐。」但奇蹟是他沒有淪為童黨,「我唔係嗰一type嘅人,做唔到。」

另一杯酒下肚,他說之前七個月大的女腸胃炎,是岳父母的疏忽,像是岳父喂她吃雪糕,像是岳母喂她吃有菜的粥,「佢哋都Chi 線,一個Baby,消化系統邊可以承受到呢點嘢架?」話中仍有憤怒。他說當女兒的糞便中帶血時,他失控了,「我打電話俾##,喊晒口咁同佢講。之後,我返到屋企又話咗我外父幾句,佢又有點燥,大家頂咗幾句。」他低著頭說。

「單親家庭成長對我做爸爸有咩影響?無乜,對自己多點。」他壓低了聲線說,「例如?例如個性孤僻,自言自語。」走的時候,他說,我們可以做兄弟,姐妹也行,而女性朋友佔了他友人的大多數,其實身邊的朋友不多。

言語是直率的,記憶是零碎的。可以如此坦率地誠實地面對自己,我想他的女兒有如此一位父親是幸福的。腦海響起了John Mayer Daughters : 





I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]