No importante, Vamos.

生命中總會有很多突如其來的逆心冷水，被淋的時候，天昏地暗，彷彿世界末日亦不過如此。只是，事過境遷，再回首，也不過是小事一樁，不禁失笑於當時的惶惑失措。



記得在墨西哥交流時，浪遊了一個月後，一窮二白的我買不起機票，飛返洛杉磯以乘飛機回港，只能去墨西哥最邊境的城市，亦被喻為最危險的城市「Ciudad Jaurez」 那里乘巴士入美國境──德州。

如果你稍稍有讀有關墨西哥的新聞，大概亦知道，墨國自2006年，當時的總統向毒梟宣戰以來，整個國家因為警方跟毒梟，毒梟集團之間的爭戰而幾近陷入內戰的狀況，而狀況最慘烈的是與美國接境的城市，Ciudad Jaurez是首當其衝，它跟美國德州的El Paso 只是半小時車程之隔，亦是南美毒梟、人口販賣集團前往美國的重要中樞點之一。所以，有關Ciudad Jaurez的新聞都是令人毛骨悚然的，像是在10年8月，當局發現72具屍體被埋在荒野，後來查明是一群由南美各國前往美國的人蛇，好像是事敗，蛇頭撕票，就地正法。有人用「死城」去形容Ciudad Jaurez。

也不記得是哪個明星說過一句：「我一直靠的是陌生人的慈悲。」再同意不過。

在墨國認識的一個同學家住Ciudad Jaurez，她收留了我兩天，跟她家人渡過了一個很溫馨的聖誕。知道我不夠墨西哥錢買車票去德州，他們更為我出錢。

臨別時，朋友的母親抱著我，吻著我的臉，說：「Chaunog, here is your home. You are welcome here whenever you want to.」

而朋友的哥哥亦是以同樣的口吻：「If anything happens , just give us a call. We’ll come to your rescue.」道別完後，朋友一家離去。

朋友和她母親、哥哥送我去巴士站

等了一個半小時，終於上車了，我把行李都放在車上了，可辦理出境手續的官員忽然截停了我，說，我要有墨國回境的證明才可以離開。

我用那爛透了的西班牙文告訴他，我完成交流，現在要回中國，短期之內不會再回來。可他執意要我拿出有關證件，否則要等明天銀行開門，交錢重新辦理。

“I am leaving, I won’t come back. I am going home. why do I need the return receipt?” 我把交流的文件放在他面前，幾近尖叫地跟他理論。

他只是用西班牙文重覆著早前的話，就是一定要回境的證明才可以離開。看著他那張臉，忽然想賄賂他，well, this is Mexico. 可是，口袋只有300元墨西哥幣，而不遠處有一位架槍的士兵正盯著我，沒有賄賂二人的本錢，我只好拿著護照，說出去巴士站，在行李找找看。

翻箱倒櫃亦找不到，我幾近想哭地蹲坐在地上，要打電話給朋友？但天已黑，他們駕車來這裡，可是要冒生命的危險，因為不法分子掌管了黑夜，槍擊、搶劫，什麼事都可以發生…

司機看著我的無助，他走過來問我有沒有護照在身，然後叫我上車。

「那可以嗎？我的交流證件在官員手中？會對你有什麼影響？」我一連問了幾個問題。

他只是說了幾句，大概是，我有護照在手已夠，反正我要離開，失去交流證件也不要緊，見我還猶豫，他笑道：「No importante, Vamos. 」（Not important, Let’s go）

再用蹩口的英 文說：「Please bring me to China.」

就這樣，遺失所有墨國證件的我，在墨西哥落荒而逃，可幸那名官員竟沒有追來。

而一位美國老伯，他目睹事件的發生，拍著仍猶有餘悸的我的肩膀，安撫道：「如果我年輕20年，我會說你是我的妻子來拯救你。」

我不知道司機的後來如何，因為我沒有美國入境紙，要在海關重新申請。而工序完成，巴士已開走了，我要乘坐另一班巴士，我甚至已忘記了他的樣子。只是，他那一句：「No importante, Vamos. 」卻深深記住了。So reassuring and hopeful.

事隔一年多，生命再出現分叉口，墨西哥落荒而逃的一幕不知怎的湧上腦海，但亦是一個很好的提醒：「No importante, Vamos. 」

失意過後，再上路，沒什麼大不了的。

美國境內巴士站，凌晨２點，氣溫約４度。
在寒風中呆等了２小時，才有人告訴我，我的巴士站不在那裡。

Talk To HIM

純粹
「oh, you are going to Oaxaca, that’d be great. I will have few friends there that I want to visit and I really want to see you again. I am thinking to bike from Mexico city to there.」在facebook的即時短訊，他寫道。

螢光幕前的我吃了一驚，因為從墨西哥城到瓦哈卡城，乘巴士都要12小時，騎自行車會是多久呢？而當中目的只是為了見朋友。

他叫Pieter Robberechts，27歲，來自比利時，但有一張很滄桑的臉，長得很像美國電視劇《House》的主角。遇見他是在墨西哥的一間旅舍。我們談了很多話題，像是旅行、國家、身份、政治等，然後，我離開了墨西哥城，繼續我的旅程。瓦哈卡城是我旅程的最後一站，他知道後，有了以上的提議：從墨西哥城騎自行車到瓦哈卡城跟我說再見。

兩個星期後，我從墨西哥最南的城市Chiapas來到瓦哈卡城。當我踏入旅舍時，看見他的自行車，然後是他的人，我只懂興奮地抱住他。

他說：「別人都會說，我從墨西哥城騎自行車到這來找一個中國女生，一定是另有企圖，墨西哥人腦海中的男女關係除了性，便別無其他。我只是單純地想用自己的方式去見一個朋友而已。」

他就是如此地率性、純粹，可是在言談間總會有一些讓人細嚼的語句。

他的世界觀

在墨西哥城的旅舍，他看見我把每天的行程都堆砌得滿滿地，計劃著下一站要去哪裡，他會說：「中國人好像什麼都要爭快、爭第一。像是十天環遊歐洲，今天去巴黎拍幾張照，明天去羅馬古城拍幾張照，然後回去炫耀，那就叫旅行，真的很諷刺。」

我連忙辯稱：「那不是我，旅行的意義對於我來說，是過當地人的生活，學習做一個當地人。」

「那就更好笑了，因為當一個墨西哥人對於當地人來說，是像呼吸一樣自然的事，他們根本就不能具體告訴你，什麼為墨西哥人。就算你過著當地人的生活，你永遠也只是一個外地人。」他應道。

他又補充說：「其實所謂的Racism也不是全然的壞，至少它讓人更清楚我們的身份。我最好的朋友是越南裔的比利時人，她在比利時出生，成長，學習當中的語言、文化，但對於我來說，還是會以她的越南籍為主。當然，這又回到『什麼為比利時人/墨西哥人』的問題。」

Pieter在墨西哥已有一個月了，買的是一張單程機票，所以也沒有打算什麼時候回去比利時。只知道，比利時是一個傷心地，太多事情發生了，只想要一個逃脫，墨西哥像是一個很好的療傷地。他的專長是寫電腦程式，他接一些freelance的工作，一個project是1000歐元，大約是17,000元墨西哥幣，而墨西哥的生活指數是香港的七成，他用兩個星期寫好一個程式，由此看來，你大約可以知道他在墨國的富有。

「我也知道，很多歐洲人其實都在第三世界消費貧窮，在比利時，我只是一個窮小子，但在墨西哥卻突然變了有錢人，但這就是世界的潛規則。那也好，我可以在這裏待久一點。」他笑說。

「那倒也是，墨西哥人很樂觀，在這裏生活開心一點。」我感嘆道。

「這又是很吊詭的一個現象。不少西方人都會認為在第三世界的人開心一點，他們沒有很多錢，有各種各樣的問題，可是，他們卻可以夜夜笙歌，派對不斷。為什麼西方人在自己的國家卻做不到呢？」他苦笑。

「對呀，如果可以，你就不會在這裏了。」我取笑道。

他沉默了。

原來


在瓦哈卡城旅舍剛開張不久，客人很少，宿舍中只有我們兩個人，他在房間的一端，我在另一端。他的沉默讓深夜多了一份的憂鬱。

「有時候，你真的要從原本的環境跳出來，喘口氣，才能向前走。」他停頓一下，說：「比利時很累人。」

他又沉默了。

良久，他再開口：「其實也沒什麼，大概就是和女朋友分手了，然後家裏又一團糟，可偏偏所有的事都要我一個人去面對。」

相戀3年的女朋友向他提出分手，他們在熱戀初期計劃好一起儲錢去古巴，可是，3年下來，感情像是過了期的食物，沒有了味道，愛情也就這樣無疾而終。

「也沒有什麼，大家都知道，繼續走下去只會是勉強自己。但我還是一個人去了古巴，我想她也是獨自履行了當初諾言的另一半。」

然後，他從古巴飛來墨西哥。

「那你的家庭呢？」我忍不住問了一句。

他的聲音戈然而止。

片刻，他開口了：「我的父母離婚了，其實他們早該下這個決定了，也不會一連催毀了四個人的生命，他們的，我和我姐姐的。」

Pieter的爸爸是在銀行工作，媽媽是家庭主婦，算是中產家庭。在Pieter姐弟出世後，爸爸升為經理，工作應酬越發忙碌，媽媽變得歇斯底里。

小Pieter認為是自己的出生以至破壞了家人的關係。在一個沒有足夠愛的環境裏成長，自我價值觀很低。

「我不喜歡說話，反正說了，別人也不會在乎。」他嘆了一口氣。「我甚至有自毀的傾向，我的左腳有點瘸，因為小時候，存在感很低，又想知道生死的意思，便從高樓上跳了下來，結果而弄傷了腳。有時要從痛中才能感到活著。」他的聲音漸小了。

「我做過很多工作，是的，我不喜歡自己，當中的自我價值很低，因為看不起自己，所以就算是身為一個大學生，我還是會做一些厭惡性的工作，像是清潔工等，因為不用經過重重的面試。而且我總認為是人生應該是work to live not live to work，所以做什麼工也沒有關係。」他笑說。

「我姐姐更糟糕，很早便拍拖，很早便有了小朋友。她愛上的男人不是癮君子便是虐待狂，第一次嫁錯郎也就算了，當你第二、第三個男人都是相同類型的，那這個人的性格有缺陷，自討苦吃。在我離開比利時前，剛幫她擺脫了有虐待傾向的男友，希望她可以重新振作。我也有我的生活要過，總不能拖著她走。女人，如果想要得到真愛，第一步是讓自己變得可愛，這起碼讓人愛你愛得容易些。」

Pieter說，父母一直拖著不離婚是因為不想他們兩姐弟在單親家庭成長。「如果他們早點離婚，或許我們各自的生命都好過一點。」Pieter的爸爸最後辭了銀行經理一職，謀了一份東不成西不就的工作，和妻子的關係越是惡劣，而Pieter的媽媽最後患上了精神病。

「總之家庭就是一團糟，而我好像總是要負責收拾爛攤子的那個。」Pieter說他要他好像是家人之間的信差，又像是他們的守護者，誰要是有什麼事，總會找他。而他的自己總是縮到很小很小，縱然他也有被擁抱，被呵護的需要。

忽然間，我明白了。在墨西哥浪遊，從墨西哥城騎自行車到瓦哈卡城，當中看似的種種任性，其實都是Pieter對小小自我的一點補償。在比利時，他身份是giver/caretaker，穿上的衣服叫責任。在千里之外的墨西哥，終於可以卸下種種的裝甲，一嘗只對自己負責的輕鬆。而當中對世界、對人生、對價值的反省都是幾經歷煉後而得出的智慧。

當言語失去了力量，音樂或許可以為笨口拙舌的自己找到一個出口。我拿出MP3，把耳塞給他，播的是讚美之泉的《全新的你》。

你說陰天代表你的心情，
雨天更是你對生命的反應。
你說每天生活一樣平靜，
對於未來沒有一點信心。

親愛朋友，你是否曾經
曾經觀看滿天的星星，
期待有人能夠瞭解你心，
能夠愛你賜你力量更新。

耶穌能夠叫一切都更新，
耶穌能夠體會你的心情，
耶穌能夠改變你的曾經，
耶穌愛你耶穌疼你，
耶穌能造一個全新的你。

後記：
我把歌詞的大意翻譯了給他聽，然後，一人一個耳塞，一起重聽了這首歌。我們都沉默了。很多時，最好的安慰，陪伴，不是吵嚷的，急於宣諸於口的「我明白，我在乎你。」而只是借出一雙耳朵，靜靜地聆聽，沒有批判，沒有可憐，那種「在」的感覺已讓人感到溫暖。就像祂，在你迷失，沮喪，憤怒，軟弱，好像看不見衪時，衪卻一直在你身旁，靜靜地等待你向衪開口，因為衪承諾過「你們祈求就給你們，尋找就尋見，叩門就給你們開門。」衪一直都在你身邊，而你與衪之間的距離只是一個禱告而已。

後記的後記：
在9月27日的凌晨，收到他的訊息，

‎" Met in Mexico an argentinian Girl I like, so I'm leaving in a month and a half again to Argentina. lets see what comes out of it..."
他說，他剛回到比利時，但在墨西哥的流浪中，他愛上了一個來自阿根廷的女生，想去阿根廷找她。

" having some plans to go already helps too"
雖然在比利時的現實很難過，　知道可以離開已是一種解脫。


再同意不過。

戴上面具找自己

「朋友，我們將會去庫爾德斯坦─伊拉克交界的藝術學院教默劇。這將會是令生命改變的經歷。祝福我們吧！」

電郵來自德國，作者是馬林(Merin)，一個專業的小丑，他和同伴路卡斯(Lukas)成為小丑組合 Duo Desolato，名字的意思是兩個悲慘的人。路卡斯沒有多說，但29歲的馬林的確是有過一段混沌的歲月。

偶遇

遇見馬林是在墨西哥瓦哈卡城的廣場(Oaxaca)。他和拍檔路卡斯準備開檔表演。可是因為擴音器壞了，他們只好坐在廣場的階梯間，無奈地看著行人的熙來攘往。馬林說，他們剛在墨西哥的另一個城市參加完世界馬戲團嘉年華會，打算在墨西哥南部遊玩一下。

在廣場的另一端有幾個小丑在拋球、扭汽球。馬林不屑地說：「看對面，以為穿上了小丑的衣服，化了妝，拋拋球，那就是小丑，真是大錯特錯，小丑是一門藝術。」

馬林有六呎二吋高，很健碩。一頭棕色的短卷髲，濃眉大眼，笑起來，眼睛會瞇成一條線。說一口帶英國口音的英文，「可能是跟我在南非[1]做了一年義工有關吧！」馬林解釋說。

「當我在扮演小丑時，我可以跟觀眾分享我的喜怒哀樂，那個小丑就是我，當中的失敗、沮喪、出醜、乖僻…都是我。我在表演的當中，也享受在其中。我不相信拋幾個球，扭幾隻汽球能達到當中的效果。」馬林補充道。

戴上小丑的面具才可以勇敢地去表達自己，面對生命中的種種荒謬，在面具的背後一定有他的故事。

面具背後

馬林是資優生，普通學校的教育對他來說是易如反掌，但學校沒有留意到他的特殊需要，把他當成是一般學生去教育。

馬林說，鶴立雞群的感覺很孤獨，被忽略的感覺很不好受，沒人明白的處境很可悲，甚至因著自己的獨特而感到憤怒，在心底深處卻又暗存一絲的竊喜、驕傲與叛逆：我是得天獨厚的，你們應該肯定我。

於是，小馬林開始上堂搗蛋，不交功課，頂撞老師，偷竊，13歲的他成為龐克分子(Punk)，連同一班憤青，穿著奇裝異服，吸煙，吸大麻，喝酒，在公園流連當夜青。

「當時的自己很憤怒，是那種對於生活和生命茫然的無力感，叫心中的無名火怒燒。好像沒有人把我當人看，沒有人，包括我自己在內，知道我究竟發生了什麼事。我只知道我需要去證明我的存在感，我的獨特性。」馬林憶說。

他停頓了一下，喝了口手中的啤酒，繼續說：「當時的自己當然覺得是很型，覺得自己是somebody，周圍的人都應該認同我的獨特，並且尊重我。可現在想起來，當中的種種都只是我對別人肯定的渴求，希望他們看到我的特殊需要，也明白我的困難。」

其實學校的不如意只是馬林叛逆歲月的引子，家庭的成長環境是主因。馬林有五兄弟姐妹，他是老三，當中最小妹妹患有唐氏綜合症，因此父母把所有的精力都放在她身上，自然地，其他兒女都覺得被忽略。小馬林明白父母的難處，但明白不等於可以滿足少年對父母之愛的渴求。後來，馬林的父母決定去一家青年中心擔任駐院父母，馬林更需和另外30個問題少年分享僅餘的父母關懷。

於是，他的叛逆更變本加厲，大麻吸得更兇，家回得更少，直至一次，他喝得爛醉，闖了禍，要父親把他帶回來。馬林父親是一個非常傳統及虔誠的教徒，當時馬林還染了一個藍色的頭。一氣之下，爸爸剃光了他的頭，又把他的奇裝異服丟掉。

「當時的氣氛真的很緊張，我憎恨他，可暗地裏，我又按捺不住地享受當中的刺激，因為平時太少見了。」馬林說。

有人在乎，就算是責罵痛打也比漠不關心來得強。大概也就解釋了為什麼母親的一句「我希望有一天你會跨過這個階段。」令馬林從自我放縱中醒過來，把手中的大麻丟掉，重新做人。

「因為她像是在告訴我，雖然她不知道我發生什麼事，可她在為我守望，也從來沒有放棄過我，所以我更加不可以放棄自己。」馬林說。

戴上面具

後來，患有唐氏綜合症的妹妹去世了，父母離了婚，大哥離家出走，高中畢業的馬林站在大學選科的十字路口，沒有頭緒，生命所有的一切都破碎了。得知他可以去南非參與義工服務[2]，馬林毫不猶豫地報了名。

「我在一間孤兒院服務，我帶去的問題，像是我該做什麼，什麼是家庭朋友等等，去完南非，還是沒有答案。但我知道我喜歡給人群包圍。」馬林說。

回到德國，他升讀大學，選修的是歷史和英文。不過他並沒有很用功的學習，倒是全情投入學校的劇團。

「我喜歡當中的身份模糊，參演的時候，角色是虛構的，不是現實的我，可演繹的時候，當中的情感卻又是我真實的情感的投射，令虛構的角色變得有血有肉。我喜歡把我的情感透過那個不是我的角色表達出來。」馬林說。

就這樣，馬林放棄了正規大學，轉讀一間藝術學院。而在那裏，馬林遇見了路卡斯。雖然路卡斯比馬林高兩班，但二人卻相逢恨晚。他們相遇的那個暑期，路卡斯邀請馬林一起在德國不同城市作街頭表演。

「在那次的巡迴表演中，我們一起經歷了很多光怪陸離的境況。我們都很興奮，驚嘆生命的可能性，享受旅程的不確定。好像是回到龐克時代的自己，不過這次是在好的層面。」馬林說。

那次的歷奇也打下了和路卡斯組成Duo Desolato的基礎。

「路卡斯是能跟我一起冒險、犯傻的好拍檔。未來，我有很多計劃，和路卡斯雙劍合壁，可以事半功倍。」

至於為什麼選擇成為小丑，馬林說，對他來說扮演小丑是一種療傷的過程，學習面對及接受自己的功課。

「扮演小丑是一件很單純的事，你不能躲在舞台後，你得站在舞台上，你就是主角，跟自己的好壞、強弱及成敗正面交峰。當中的經歷可以是令人膽戰心驚，也可以是令人得意忘形，是存在的精髓。我現在亦還在修『認識自己並接納自己』這門功課。而成為專業小丑使我能更真實地去探索及面對自己，不然，我的表演就沒有感染力了。而當中的乖僻、荒誕，各種的思緒可以透過小丑的演繹表達出來，而觀眾又能感受到的話，我會感到如釋重負後的安慰。」馬林說。

浪子回頭

Duo Desolato成立已接近兩年，馬林和路卡斯已在歐洲多個國家巡迴表演多次。三十而立，馬林說，住在柏林他經常回去家鄉小鎮探望母親，甚至開始寫電郵給久未聯絡的父親。

「過了一段飄泊的日子後，你會覺得需要一個anchor(錨)才能在浮萍的人生中起行，而家人是很重要Anchor。」馬林說。

回首看當中的種種，從資優生到反叛少年，到現在找到理想，環遊世界，做著自己喜歡做的事，馬林說：「這一切都是好的，因為我決定自己走哪條路，生命的主動權在自己手中。未來也沒什麼好擔心的，因為擔心也沒用，它終會到來，擔心只會阻礙你向前走。」

後記

因為筆者和馬林住同一旅舍，所以有了一次很交心的談話。而路卡斯病了，很早休息，故沒能知道他的故事。

馬林的人生是一個找自己的故事。「我是誰？我為什麼活在這個世上？什麼是獨特？」大概在成長階段裏，我們都曾問過類似的問題，無關痛癢，可卻總會在你低落時，突然來襲，把你弄得更加手足無措，那種失重的感覺讓你更感生命的荒蕪。但我們因愛而生，也為愛而活。只是人的愛都不是完全的，因此我們在殘缺的愛中傷痕累累，甚至開始懷疑人生。

然而，祂早已鑒察你，認識你，縱使你覺得全世界都唾棄你，而祂仍會告訴你，你的受造奇妙可畏，因為你未成形的體質，衪的眼早已看見了；祂所定的日子，你尚未度一日，衪都寫在衪的冊上了。在衪的愛裏，你不必懼怕，可以舒服做自己，不必戴上面具去找自己，因為愛既完全，就除去了害怕。

P.S：馬林和路卡斯在墨西哥之旅後，回到德國又做了一次全國巡迴表演，現在已在庫爾德斯坦─伊拉克交界的藝術學院擔任客席教師一職。有興趣可以流覽他們的網頁：www.desolato.de

故事的英文版
The Making Of A Professional Clown

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[1]詮：因為南非是前英國殖民地，因而當地人學的英文都是英國口腔。

[2]註：德國國例規定(該例在今年剛給廢除)，年青國民必須參與1年至1.5年的公民義工服務。

Please couch me !

“What about this couple? Lorena and Daniel. They have got 112 positive references.”
“Um.”
“Their location has been verified. And they have been vouched for.”
“Um.”
“So, let’s couchsurf them?”
“Yea, sounds cool. Why not?”

Finally, I have got a host that Jacintha is willing to nob.

It is late at night. In a common room of a hostel in Oaxaca, Mexico, Jacintha and I are planning the last part of our one-month journey in Mexico. She is researching on our itinerary and I am trying to arrange accommodation.

It is the third week of our end-of-semester travel. Jacintha and I were doing our exchange in Monterrey, Mexico. She is an Indian Singaporean. Both of us are tired of traveling with a larger group of friends, which requires more compromises to reach consensus, so we decided to conduct our own adventure after finishing our exams.

We have visited Mexico City, Puebla and Oaxaca during the past 3 weeks. While budgeting for our journey, it is not hard to find that a big chunk of our budget has been eaten up by the place where we lay our head at night. Life like this is not sustainable. We do not have financial resources.

After hearing from our fellow exchange students about their positive Couchsurfing experience, I have persuaded Jacintha to join the movement.

So what is Couchsurfing actually?

It is an online volunteer –based worldwide network connecting travelers with members of local communities, who offer free accommodation and/ or advice; the network part resembles Facebook.

Its origin is silly and simple, and simply amazing.

In 1999, a guy named Casey Fenton traveling to Iceland on a limited budget decided to email 1,500 random students from the University of Iceland and ask if he could stay on their couch. He received enough positive replies to accommodate him throughout his trip. There, he got inspired to create the Couchsurfing project.

Since then, Couchsurfing has been a way to quench a thirst many travelers have: free accommodation. Yes, it is FREE; staying with locals, intimately experience the real culture of everyday life; and connecting with like-minded travelers. Basically, it all boils down to the phrase “mutual trust”. But travelers have to register as a member first.

You enter some information about yourself, such as who are you, where you live, your current mission, one place you have been to, and ‘one amazing thing I’ve seen or done.’ You can also state whether you are currently available to host someone (this is not mandatory) or would like to meet people for a cup of coffee and show them around (not mandatory either).

Go to the website, www.couchsurfing .org and you can find all types of people. It also gives you the freedom to portray yourself as you see fit. After you read someone’s profile, you will have a pretty good idea of whether you would enjoy surfing them —or letting them stay on yours.

Being a virgin backpacker, Jacintha doubted the phrase “mutual trust” -- “how can you trust a stranger you met online?” she asked me.

She is right. Security is a valid concern. There are few ways to verify other users, according to the website.

First, there is an official “verification” system. It is not obligatory, but is a good way to build confidence as both a “sufer” and a host. It charges you $25 USD if you wish to do so. Couchsurfing project staff term the charge a “donation.” After verifying your name off your credit/ debit card, they will send you a postcard with a code to finalize your address.

Second, you can refer to the references from previous surfers or hosts. After you have hosted or stayed with another member, you can leave a reference on their Couchsurfing page. You can leave positive or negative comments. Just by browsing the previous references of a profile, you can know which members are well-loved and connected.

Additionally, there is also an exclusive vouching system. It is a way for members to declare their trust in other members. The only way to become vouched for is to be extremely trusted by someone who has been couched for by three other members.

Of course, you can also find out through direct communication with a potential host by trading messages.

Based on Lorena and Daniel’s profile, they passed all the security checks. After gaining Jacintha’s approval, I sent them our Couchsurfing request.

Their reply came the next day.
“Hi, Chau. We are having a gathering with friends and family during your requested surfing period. So you really need to stay on couches in our living room. If you find it inconvenient, you may opt for surfing other CS (couch surfing) members. But you are welcome to join the Couchsurfing Christmas party we are gonna hold in our house. It is gonna be a big one.”

Thrilled, honored, gratified, we happily replied with, ‘Yes, please couch us. We are humble.’ What can be more privileged than being allowed in their homes to see how they live, do what they do, and get the insight into the place we are going to visit? At the same time, we are viewed as ‘hostable’ by them. As mentioned earlier, CS is a project based on mutual trust. We are judging what hosts are ‘surfable,’ and our hosts are also taking the adventure.

Daniel and Lorena have been married for 11 years. They work in the state of Tabasco during weekdays and return to the state of Chiapas during weekends. From their profile, you can tell that they have couch surfers nearly every week.

After a 14-hour bus ride, we made it to San Cristoal de las Casas, Chiapas, the southernmost state of Mexico. Winter weather has arrived. It is so chilly that I have worn 3 sweaters and a jacket, but still have to huddle myself to keep warm.

The surfing experience has been amazing.

For the first day, we have met their friends and family members from Tabasco to participate in tomorrow’s Christmas party. There are also a couple of couch surfers in the house too. Both are retired teachers. The wife is French while the husband is Canadian. They have houses in France, Canada and Guatemala.

The date is one of guests, Jair’s, birthday.

With all the nationalities gathered, six versions of “Happy Birthday” have been sung: Chinese, Tamil (an Indian Dialect), French, Quebec Canadian French, English as well as Spanish.

As people take turns sing in their own language as to the birthday boy, a beautiful picture is constructed. There are different nationalities and cultures among us, yet couchsufing binds us together, sharing the moment of joy and we are all receptive towards the differences we inherently carry. The acceptance has given us the freedom to be who we are. It is such a moving moment.

There is more to come for the next day is the Christmas Party.

It is a week before Posada celebration. But as Daniel and Lorena will be staying in Tabasco next week, they put the celebration a week earlier than the official one. Posada is a festive period before Christmas. It lasts for 10 days, representing 10-month pregnancy. Posada can be regarded as the prelude of Christmas. During this period of time, people party a lot and drink a lot -- although Mexicans participate in these two activities on a regular basis.

During the day, Lorena and her friends are busy preparing food for the party.

“I have created the event on the Couchsurfing page; more than 20 people are coming.” Lorena said.

When the night comes, only two Australian students and four neighboring couch hosts show up. We still have a good time.

To celebrate Posada, usually, people will visit neighbors, singing posada songs like "treat or trick" during Halloween.

The posada song is a duet, dividing A and B. A acts like Joseph and Maria, right before the birth of Jesus, they were asking a couch. B acts like the host, trying to respond to the couch surf request. After the song, A's couch request is accepted, and invited to enter the house, where a feast is awaiting...

Daniel joked, 'Jesus is the very first couch surfer in the world.'

Then, there will be a game, called Piñata-hitting.

Participants need to be blindfolded. With a stick in hand to hit the Piñata, which is made of paper and small/thin bamboo sticks, like the making of lantern, filled with candies, chocolates.

When Piñata is hit to crack, the candies inside will spill over. Then participants will fight for their collection.
The religious meaning is that: Piñata symbols Devil which can appear in any form, splendid outside, but pernicious. Only by confronting it hard till defeat it, you will be able to enjoy the fruit of blessing.

The third day is even more amazing.

Daniel takes us, the two Australian students and two of their hostel friends to a Zapatista village. In 1994, the Zapatista Army of National Liberation (EZLN), which was formed by indigenous farmers to demand their land rights, rebelled against the Mexican government, followed by brutal repercussion by the government. There are currently 32 Rebel Autonomous Zapatista Municipalities (MAREZ) affiliated with the EZLN in Chiapas. It was hailed by the New York Times in 1994 as the "first postmodern Latin American revolution".

Villagers still wear masks when they have contact with outsiders. They check our passports before letting us in; no photos are allowed of villagers, only of the murals. Two villagers have followed us to see if we have snapped pictures on the villagers ‘illegally’.

All the above would not have been possible by just joining tours.

Even though you can’t get a host, you can still check on the site and see what’s happening in the community. Couchsurfing provides a platform for critical mass and like-minded people find ways to get together. Self-motivated members have organized themselves into groups within most countries and bigger cities and very interesting classifieds. Often these groups are well-connected and they arrange excursions, dancing nights, soccer matches, and then there are useful subcategories.

On our next destination planning, Jacintha pushed, “Chau, can we couchsurf? Try your best to get a host. You know, I began to feel sick and tired of constantly settling and resettling in different cities. I felt like I was living out of a suitcase. But these few days have given me a feeling of coming home and being grounded. And I felt like I learned a lot about Mexico compared to our traveling for the past few weeks.”

Somewhat, I hesitate, “It has been a great stay, but you know, it is pretty energy-demanding. You know, you need to be ‘on’ all the time. The host wants to chat, get to know you, maybe go out, go do something, be active. I don’t feel like being communicative for the next destination. I want to reflect on our previous journey. It is our last week in Mexico…”

“That’s true. But it really has challenged my traveling perspective. It helps me to step out of my comfort zone. I think the CS website will be my best friend apart from the Lonely Planet when I do traveling.” She giggled.

A few days later, Lorena and Daniel left a positive reference on my CS page:
“Lovely girl!!! Have an idea how is Chau: cute, funny, sweet, full of energy, great cook, and tons of positive words... We had a great-great time with her in home! We dance, cook, and had fun with Chau and her nice friend Jacinta... So you need to host her or surfer with her, because you'll get a nice Couchsurfing experience!”


The First One Feature Will Be:

The Making of a professional Clown

The Making Of A Professional Clown

So this is my profile feature story.

It is about a German Professional clown who is against all odds in life, finally finds his life calling in the clown profession.

I met him when I was traveling in Mexico. We met in the same hostel. Maybe due to travelers' nature, people are generally more forthcoming when it comes to story-sharing. We started with general chit-chats, then as the night fell deep, the conversation went deep as well. He started to reveal his not-so-glamorous past to me.

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded. -- Virginia Wolf

I wrote this profile in an attempt to leave a mark in the history.

From A teenage punk to a mature man, each one of us will find part of ourselves from his story.

The encounter

“Can you help take a photo of me with the tattoo?” asks a man with a British accent in a hostel in Mexico.

He is in his late twenties, around six feet tall, and he’s wearing a just-woke-up look: uncombed brown, curly hair; half-open, greenish blue eyes; clothes he just grabbed from somewhere.

“It is not a real tattoo. I need to ask my mother what she thinks before making it real,” he says. For some reason, he feels compelled to add: “I am from Germany. I have been to South Africa for one year, that’s how I picked up the English accent.”

The fake tattoo in the shape of an anchor is on his left wrist. He stands against the wall; his right hand holds his left hand in position just under the tattoo, modally looking into the camera.

And then he adds some more information. “I am a professional clown. Together with my partner, we form a duo. We just attended the world-wide circus festival in Puebla, Mexico.”

He gracefully took back his camera and invited his photographers to come watch him. “My name is Merlin. You should come to see our street show in the city center this afternoon.”

The afternoon show had to be cancelled because the amplifier was not working.
“Without the amplifier, we can’t play the music loud and without the music, our show won’t work,” he said later that day.

Feeling lost, Merlin and his partner Lukas sat on the stairs of the square, observing passers-by coming and going.

Not too far away, a few other clowns in funky cloths were throwing balls and making balloon animals.

“They can’t be called clown,” Merlin said disparagingly. “Anyone can put on a costume and make balloon animals, but it is not the art of clowning.”

Merlin said he graduated from the Die Etage, a professional performing arts school in Germany, and specialized in pantomime and mime. He said clowning is an art form, and that it is about self-expression and self-actualization.

“By clowning, I can share the great sensation of what I experience,” Merlin said. “Therefore,I am my work and I am there in that very moment, fully there with all my loose screws and difficulties and weirdness--they are all me. I celebrate the moment of performance and hope that it comes across to the audience.I think I wouldn't be able to have that if I was just doing balloon animals. ”

It took years for Merlin to gain the knowledge and self-confidence to speak with such passion and insights. It isn’t easy to be Merlin Benedikt Pohse, the 29-year-old German professional traveling clown.

The bewilderment

Merlin developed faster than peers during adolescence, so he did not feel challenged enough. He intentionally failed to do schoolwork and to participate in class – these were his attempts to be heard. He also transformed himself into a punk at age 13: wearing the ‘outfit’, hanging out with other punks in parks, drinking beers, smoking pot.

“It was rebellious and cool. I felt I was someone special by doing so,” he recalled. “The general feelings of helplessness and being lost made me feel a whole lot of rage at that time. That nobody would see me as a person and nobody, not even myself, could understand what was going on with me. ”

Driven by the need to prove his existence and uniqueness, Merlin smoked, drank beer, stole from shops and refused to do anything for the school so as “to show that I was indeed special, to get the approval from people around me, so that they would look up to me.”

The root cause of all this can be traced to a long-felt sense of being ignored, even abandoned in his family life.

He was the third in a family of five children. All his siblings, except the youngest sister who had Down’s syndrome, did not receive much in the way of parental care.

Young Merlin understood why his parents gave their attention to the youngest sister, who was a decade younger than him, and who died at age 10. Yet the knowledge did not fill the hollowness in the heart of a growing teen in need of parental attention and recognition, especially after his parents chose to work as house parents in a children’s home on the other side of Germany.

“I felt bitter when having to share parents with some 30 other children,” Merlin said. Visiting his punk friends in the old town became his escape. “It all has come down to a slightly depressed feeling at home, so I was hardly there.”

On one occasion, his father had to fetch him from the old town. Feeling furious at seeing the drunken Merlin with blue-dyed hair, he made him shave it all off and threw away his boots.

“I hated him for that but somehow also liked the intensity of the moment because it was so rare,” Merlin recalled. “From how I see it now, turning into a punk was a cry for attention, to be acknowledged with my needs and difficulties.”

It explains why a phrase ‘’I just wish someday you would be over this” from his mother has contributed to his turning of a new leaf.

“She gave me the feeling that even though she didn’t understand what I was on about, she would see me,” Merlin said, recalling that one day as he was about to smoke dope, the sentence emerged from her mouth and he stopped.

The lost and found

After the death of his youngest sister, the binding force for his parents’ marriage, the unity of the family disappeared. His parents divorced; his mother suffered from a nervous breakdown; his elder brother moved away from home.

Unsure what he wanted in life after finishing high school, 19-year-old Merlin needed a shelter. Knowing that he can perform his civil service in South Africa, he applied for it without hesitation. There, he worked in a residential home for handicapped children as well as a class helper in the attached school.

“The one-year stay didn’t change me much,” Merlin said. “All the questions I had I didn’t answer there. But it made me aware of the fact that I need people around me and I quite like teaching.”

After returning from South Africa, he enrolled in a university to study history and English. His passion for acting was re-ignited during this stage; while in high school, he had gotten the best grade in his academic life in an acting project.

“I loved the idea of not being me but put all my emotions into that not-me character on stage,” he recalled.

He joined the English theater group at the university and was involved in a few theatre projects. He did not study, however, and eventually dropped out.

To turn his passion into a profession, Merlin decided to go to Die Etage, a professional performing arts school, to sharpen his creativity and skills. That’s how Merlin met Lukas and the development of the Duo began.

Lukas was in his final year when Merlin entered the school, but the difference didn’t matter and they worked well together in two projects and felt a chemistry develop between them.

Merlin remembered wandering around Hamburg with Lukas and together finding their inner clowns and sleeping in a park. He also recalled a nearby institute for theater and music nearby that he had applied to years earlier. He and Lukas sneaked in to take shower and made up stories they would tell if they were caught.

Then Lukas invited Merlin to travel to the coast and do street theater with him during a summer holiday.

“On that first trip we got into so many crazy situations that were unplanned. We were high all the time because we are thrilled about life, about traveling. It felt like punk again but in a good sense.”

Re-constructing those flashbacks, Merlin’s face filled with excitement. “In him, I have a partner who is willing to do an absolutely ridiculous thing if there is an adventure in it. I have so many great plans for my life and with Lukas, I can fulfill most of them.”

Despite the ‘go-with-the-flow’ life philosophy, there is a reason for Merlin to choose to work as a clown.

“It is pure and you can’t hide behind the production or the director. It is you and that’s all and that is great and frightening and good and the essence of being -- to deal with you and your weaknesses and your strengths and failure and success.”

He paused, before adding: “One of the biggest lessons I have learned and still am learning is to be true to myself and get to know myself -- this is the great thing of my clown profession. I have to be honest with myself. Otherwise it would not be true and you can see it when I perform.”

To Merlin, clowning is also a part of healing process to clear out the leftovers of his troubled youth.

“To find a way to accept myself and to deal with it; to catalyze all the strange feelings and fuzzy ideas; to channel this immense outburst of energy that used to show as anger into a creative process are biggest topics for me. Whenever I do it and something works out, I feel so relieved.”

I am there

The Duo has been together one and half years. Merlin and Lukas have done street shows around Europe. Mexico was their first step outside the European continent. Traveling and working has fed the libertine soul, yet the family man inside demands notice.

“I just wrote to my father, who I have not contacted for years, telling him what I am up to,” Merlin said.

Looking at the anchor tattoo, Merlin said there is a need for him to get grounded, and re-establishing ties with family members is a way to achieve it.

Merlin also visits his mother and sisters more often. Since the death of her youngest daughter and divorce, his mother has suffered three nervous breakdowns.

“Over the years, she has grown old and at some point I have realized that now I am in the position of calling her every now and then to see if everything is alright,” he said, grinning at the reversal of roles.

Looking back at what he has been through, Merlin said he has found his life is great actually. “I have the luxury of doing things that I love to do; I get to travel and see the world and have my work with me wherever I go.”

In a retrospective way, Merlin would like to tell the insecure and uncertain self back then:

“It is all good no matter what you do. That every path you choose is good because you have chosen it. Don’t worry too much because worries don’t help. They just block you.”

Merlin said he wants to travel and see the world the next few years, then gradually move more into directing and producing theater.

"My long-term plan is to be able to finance and produce an ‘opera’, not in a classical sense but an opera is the biggest thing I can think of," he said with a smile. "I will probably go into teaching as well. If I eventually teach mime and physical theater it will feels that somehow a circle is complete."

Merlin quoted Craig Ferguson, the Scottish comedian who had a rough drug-and-alcohol youth but now hosts a big late night show in the United States:

“Between safety and adventure, I choose adventure.”

Somewhere in time --1

Can't type Chinese on this computer. (Different language will induce different modes of thinking.) Right now, not in a mood to write in English yet the urge of expressing the momentary thought is pushing. So I just wrote this entry.

well, one thing that I find surprising similar between MeiZhou and Mexico, traffic light.

the human figure as shown in the traffic light, he will speed up his walking as the road-crossing duration increases, urging you to walk faster.

做一個浪子

“我的人生目標是，找到一個我愛的女人，和她一起浪跡天涯。”　他吐出一個煙圈 ，煙圈在昏黃的街燈下，孤獨地扭了一個身，然後消失在十二月的寒氣中。

“是的，真的有那麼一刻，我以為她就是生命中的注定，那麼地獨特，可是她背叛了我。” 他深深地吸了一口煙，然後閉上眼，讓煙在喉嚨停留一刻，再吐出。

他吸的是大麻。

零晨12點30分， 墨西哥城一家旅館的陽台上，一個中國女孩和一個以色列男人在聊天。或許因為大家都是旅人，談起天來，沒有包袱。

他叫Guy Melloul， 來自以色列，30歲。

Guy說，在過去十年 ，他過的都是旅行流浪的生活，在所到的國家，城市，逗留時間的長短任性而行，有時是一個月，有時是半年，有時只是幾天。他去了歐洲三分之二的國家，踏足了南美三分之二的土地。除了母語希伯來文外，他還操一口流利的葡萄牙文、西班牙文和英文。

在不同的陌生地土上寄居，永遠掛著的都是外地人的身份，就算回到以色列，也沒有家的感覺，是何等的一種無根感。十年，究竟他是如何過來的呢？又或者，對他來說，旅行的意義是什麼呢？

他遲疑了一下，“經歷一些我從來沒有經歷過的事，擁抱它，活在當中。＂

“我喜歡閱讀，我會花時間去閱讀當地的文學作品，看當地的歷史文化。當然，還有女人，我喜歡女人，每個地方的女人都有令人著迷的地方。我喜歡這種的飄泊＂他補充道。

對於出走的原因，Guy 只是說厭倦了以色列。也難怪，他早前輕描淡寫地提到，開始這種人生前，他在以色列軍隊服役，曾在情報機關工作。以色列的法律規定，所有的國民都要服軍役，一般來說，男性服役期為是3年，而女性則為21個月。如此推算，18歲的Guy開始入伍，21歲服完兵役的他開始了他的浪子生活。

“具體詳情，我不能多說。只是你不可能想像當中的壓力有多大，人可以有多恐怖。＂吸完了一支煙，他開始捲第二支煙，說話的時候，他眉頭是緊皺的，好像是有著莫大的痛苦。

“因為那是一種dehumanizing的經驗，唯有到另一個地方，透過不同新的刺激，才可以感到自己存在的真實。＂對於他的欲言又止，女孩為他找了台階。

他點燃了剛捲好的煙，用力了吸了一口，然後直視女孩的眼眸，“嗯，很有趣的闡釋。其實不怕跟你說，我的生命一直都在不同的對立對中搖擺，愛與恨，黑與白，最甚者是，生活真實與虛假。就算是現在，我與你對談，我還是會有一種虛幻的感覺。因為你的理性告訴這一刻是真實的，但同時，你也肯定了某些虛假的東西。誰又能說，在你認定某種幻覺的同時，那種的判斷力不是假的呢？＂

然後，他開始談到了與前任女朋友的故事。對他來說，‘女朋友’三個字的份量很重，外表不俗的他，身邊有不少有親密關係的女性朋友。可是，能夠冠上‘女朋友’名銜的除了初戀女友，便是她了。

Guy在墨西哥的國立大學攻讀碩士，遇見了她，兩人一見鍾情，一起同居。她有吸食大麻的習慣，於是Guy便和她一起吸食。

“在迷幻中不用去想生活的分裂，可以什麼都談，什麼都做，那種的‘自由’與‘真實’叫人上癮。＂他吸了一口手中的大麻煙，閉上眼，靜待煙力的擴散。

“可是，她背叛了我，和另外一個男人上了床。＂Guy恨恨地說。

以後的劇情很容易猜到，大概就是大家吵鬧一番，她的背叛源於對他的背叛的報復。雙方對彼此的愛都是暴力的，具毀滅性的，為了給大家一個空間，他選擇逃離兩人的居所，在旅館暫住。

他說，在兩人相處的過程中，當中有太的欺騙，太多的傷害，他要狠下心跟她分手。只是談人生的下一步時，Guy顯得有點遲疑。

“未來，我不知道，30歲了，我還不知道自己想幹些什麼。＂他苦笑，“用以色列的社會標準來說，我是一個失敗者，沒事業，沒家室。但我不管，我一定會繼續旅行，過我的人生。＂

語氣的決絕，像是在生命中沒有什麼牽絆又沒有牽掛，孤獨而來，孤獨而去。但再談下去，才發現，表面的不在乎，只不過是對家失望的徵狀。

他說，父母在他小時候鬧離婚，他的童年是在雞犬不寧的環境中渡過。後來，終於兩人分開了，各自有新的伴侶。

“不想多說，總之，他們不僅虐待著對方，更將我和我哥哥的生命弄得一踏糊塗。＂Guy轉臉望往街角望去。

Guy說經濟獨立很重要，而他在努力地積攢著他的旅費。他在網上進行金融貨幣的買賣。

“你要嘗試一下嗎？＂忽然，他把煙遞到女孩面前。

看著他那帶點迷幻的眼神，她忽然覺得他很可悲，一個沒有存在感的人，生活的荒謬加深他對生存狀況的懷疑，只能用藥物來逃避現實。

“不用了，你不能把人生、感情建立在藥物上。什麼是真，當我握著你的手的時候，那是真實。真實是當你用心去感受別人的心的時候，縱然有被傷害的時候，可仍是真實。＂說完，她給了他一個友善的擁抱，“真實是，當身邊的人擁抱你的時候。＂

可是，他卻把她緊擁入懷，到一個地步，她可以感受到他的心跳，感到他的顫抖。良久，他終於放開了她。

“我要回房了，我有我的生活要過。＂女孩說。

他看著她，昏黃的燈光下，她看著他的眼眸，30歲的他有著的竟是15歲的單純與專注，又像是一隻受傷的小動物。

後記：
筆者在墨西哥浪遊了一個月，途中遇到了不少有趣的人。發現只要你願意問，願意去聽，其實每個旅人都有一個故事可說。故事情節或許有錯漏甚至矛盾，但不要緊，忠於自己就好，畢竟那是 how we make sense of the world, make sense of our very own existence. 而透過別人的世界觀，我們看到的是生命的另一面。

Guy說他要做一個浪子，一直在尋覓生命中那個可以擕手浪跡天涯的另一半。可是談下來，你會發現，他只不過是藉旅行、流浪去逃避生命中的種種，一個人，一個家，一段情，最終是自己。尋求旅行的目的地，生命中的那個她並不重要，他在乎的是那個尋求的故事。

基督教一直把信耶穌，上天堂當成是信仰的核心價值。或許，叫人信主的原因並不是最終能夠上天堂的賞賜，而是人生有祂相伴，一路走到生命盡頭的旅程。

那個叫Jione的女生

"I have met great people and am learning a lot. I take 8 classes this semester, all in español!!! Naturally many times I ask help from classmates, but it is fun. "

故事的開始又是面書,寫的作者是在墨國遇見的一個韓國女生---Jione.
天啊, 她也是去到墨國才學西班牙語,可人家的水平已到了用西班牙語來上課的水平.


其實和她的相知很特別,和她從一開始便在拉丁文化課上一起. 不過, 因為大家的 class schedule不同, 所以通常都只是hi-and-bye 的朋友. 而且她給我一種酷酷的感覺

記得有一次,那已是學期過了大半的時候,在走路上學的途中, 遍見了她,原來她也是住寄宿家庭,原來她也走路上學.
於是,在短短的十分鐘內, 我們知道了大家都是final year student, 來墨國因為大家都對所謂的第三世界國家有情意節,都在機場有freak out 的時刻,都花了另一筆錢才能來到...

以後的再見,大家都有了親切感,開始有更深的對話.
她叫我去跳森巴舞,雖然我跳得比她還手腳不協調,她卻說,我跳得很好.

真正認識她是在Puebla. 我和jacintha 在當地的一間旅館. 怎知,一天的正午,她竟然出現在我的面前. 好神奇!! 因為Puebla 不是熱門旅遊熱點,我只是去探住在那的一位朋友而已. 而且, 我們是在墨西哥城呆了一個星期才去的....

她說,她聯絡不了她的couch host. 因為她的電話沒有credit了, 而自己又沒有電腦,所以來看看旅館. 於是我借了她所沒有的東西給她. 最後, 她找到了她的梳化客. 我們一起吃了午餐, 一起逛了市中心. 她的梳化客是讀餐飲的, 問她讀的原因, 她說,

"sólo fue suerte" ----it was only by fate.

晚上, 我們去了一間酒吧喝酒, 一杯酒過後, 她開始放開了.
她說, 她過了兩年多的gap year 生活.
其中一年是去英國的社區做義工, 除了想學好英文外,更多的是想了解一下外國的社區是如何照顧弱智社群.
因為她哥哥友患了先天性弱智, 而從小她便看著他給不少的人欺負, 因而培養出對弱者的憐憫,繼而延伸到弱國 in the global context.

她說,還有一年是因為家里的經濟不太好, 所以決定棄學打工幫補家計,

"I have worked in the factory, office ... well, many types of work, meeting different people, getting to know how the real world runs, you know, how people play dirty. I have learned a lot. " she said.


She is a very devoted Christian, asked her reason for being Christian.

"I have told you that, there are so many injustice in the society and the world. I tried to change it. but I realized that one could do very little. So I decide to turn to Him, You know, you will know that there is a greater one beyond all these mundane stuffs." she sipped the drink.

從酒吧出來, 她說, 她想念monterrey. 當中的人,事,物.

"You know, it is a good thing when you have someone to miss."

我被這句話震攝住...
是的Jione 就是那種叫人折服, 又叫人喜歡的女生.

她也曾經愛過

"THANK YOU SWEET HEART. ARE YOU BACK IN SINGAPORE? I DONT CARE ABOUT MOST OF THE PEOPLE I MEET IN MY TRIP BUT I DO WISH I WILL MEET YOU AGAIN SOMEWHERE.. HAVE A GREAT WEEK BABY!"

故事的開始又是面書.
朋友生日,在她的面書墙上寫了祝福語, 以上是她的回覆.
有點震撼,有點曖昧. 不過,其實在墨國時, 已覺得她的曖昧.

在museum 時, 她會從後面攔腰抱住你,把她的頭擱在你的肩上.就算回到旅館,她也會在你看著電腦螢光幕時,從後用手纏在你的頸上, 把臉貼著你的臉. (ok, she only did this to me. I was traveling with Jacintha, a Singaporean girl. she did not do that to her.)

說了那麼久, 主角叫Zoe, 是在墨西哥城旅館遇見的一個以色列女生.

長頭髮的她,卻給人有一點的Tom Boy 的感覺.我們一起去了一個Art Museum, 看了鬥牛.
她說,過去三年, 她過的都是是working holiday的生活,差不多走便了整個澳洲,和東南亞國家. 她的專長是什麼? 潛水. she lived on giving scuba diving lessons.

但她也有自己的煩惱, 當我們一起走在墨西哥城的大街時, 她淡然地說, 25歲的她一事無成, 甚至連一個大學學位也沒有.
"可你去了很多地方, 經歷了不同的人和事,當中的待人接物不是能從書本學來的."

她微笑.

------

在看她的面書時, 一些photo memories 在左側顯示出來,圖中的她在和一個女生跳舞, 於是click 了整個photo album 來看, 是她在泰國時的生活. 她和一個漂亮的女生在跳舞, 很明顯是那個女生into Zoe. 從她看她的眼神,從她對她跳舞的舞姿, 反觀, 你可以感受到Zoe 的被動和一絲緊張. 當中的一張是她們兩個一起坐在沙發上,準備KISS的相... 應該只是party 的艷遇吧, 因為這一幕只佔整個album的1/7.

然後是更多的photo memories. 其中一張是她和前男友的在地中海旅行的親密照, click 來看, 應該是兩人的旅程.

再看看她的relationship status, Single
interested in Man and Women

Reading her facebook reality, 大概可以對她有這樣的解讀,

三年前, 22歲的她和男友分手了,心很痛, how to get over him? how to mend the broken heart? escape from the place, cutting off all the sights and sounds related to him.

然後在旅程中,發現原來自己有同性的傾向...
開始了eat-pray-love 的journey.
旅途遇人無數,人來人往, 人聚人散, 她開始懂得,誰放感情,誰就輸了的游戲規則...

----
雖然只是fancy 的idea, 但, 不知怎的,我覺得, 她很孤獨,是那種 surrounded by millions of people, but could not find one to relate to / connect with 的孤獨.

大概因為曾經深愛,也曾深受傷,所以學會了防禦,到了一個地步,拒絕交心....


那她對我們之間友誼的在乎是....
嗯....

開心

一早起來,收到一個很溫暖的FACEBOOK MESSAGE

happy new year chau=)...
hope you're doing great and got home safe
happy i got to know u!
hope to see u again once=)


message 的作者叫Sena,一個德國女孩, 一個混血兒,爸爸是cameroom,媽媽是德國人, 因為高中時去了美國交流一年,說一口流利帶美國口音的英文. 如果不與她交談,stereotyped 地會以為她是American African.
知道有這個她的存在是在TEC, 交流的大學中, 只是大家的圈子不同, 所以很難有機會認識她.

不過, 要遇見的總會遇見的.

就在 Chiapas, 墨國的其中一個城市中, 在我們各自的旅行中,在完全沒有計劃的情況下,我們在一個Tour Group 遇見了. 當然還遇見了另一個德國男生,在香港科大讀BBA, 同樣在TEC 作交換生.
在一天的行程結束後,已是晚上十點,又冷又餓, SENA 是vegetarian, 知道鎮上有一間不錯的vegetarian餐廳,又有溫暖凡火爐,便提議去那裡.

就在我們一起吃的時候,來了一群artists, activists, they started to play the guitar, to sing songs, to talk about the indigenous movement...

一個美好的晚上.
怎知道, 我們在第二天又遇見了. 又很隨性地一起去了一個另一個的景點.

我們在另一個城市又遇見了. 夜深,我們談了一會, 一開始是一些德國的政治, 然後,她開始說成長的故事.
她說,她爸爸是一個很demanding 的人,她和他之間的關係不太好.

爸爸和媽媽都是帶著已有的孩子再婚, 所以, 她大概有9兄弟姐妹. 而之後兩人又離了婚, 整個家庭都是破碎的...
妹妹在15歲時和男友離家出走,回到家不是拿錢就是吵, 記憶最深刻的一次是, together with her mom and other sisters, screamed at each other, speaking out the inner feelings to each other, it was not a best way to communicate, but it did help them to know what went wrong among their relationships, how each other perceived the same issues.

though their relationship is still under construction, it has been on the track.

她也說了在TEXAS交流的那一年, 她是第一次感到自己的 Blackness, the whole state is divided according to skin color.

she is torn between hanging out with the black and the white. walking a fine line when choosing different social groups ....

她說, long-distance relationship 是一種考驗, "I have had hard times especially when going parties"

以她甜美的樣子, 歐洲人的身份 (墨國人挺祟歐的), 流利的西班牙語, 身邊一定有不少的傾慕者.
曾聽不少的故事, 原本已有男女朋友的人就在這拉丁美洲的熱情中出軌了...
to resist such temptation requires a steadfast faith in his/her relationship.

當然,談到最後,我們都只是一個負債, 用著未來錢的窮學生. 不過, 大家都知道, 交流這項投資,值得.

she traveled alone because she wanted to try couchsurfing in Mexico, she wanted to do spontaneous traveling, without a string, without a plan...

Anyway, she is that kind of girl of her own opinions.

真的不能想像, 我們之間可以有如此的連接, 我很開心.

關心

友人談起菜園村,大談傳媒的嘩眾取寵,片面報導,也指出讀眾對信息的照單全收,沒有細析當中的利益瓜葛.
在菜園村事件高潮時,我不在香港,之後也沒有follow up, 雖然身為香港人, 可了解的不多. 對局外人來說, 可能有一種在大觀園的事件.

忽然想起在墨國時和一位當地學生的對話. 他說,他留意到,不少外國人,(包括我在內) 來到墨國,像是去了動物園一樣,驚訝當中的種種,也把自己當成是墨國的救世主, 要幫他們改善這個,改善那個.
當時,一看,既憤怒又委屈,他憑什麼認定我是那種自以為是的人,當中的誤解讓我無奈.

可事過境遷,再回想,把一個國家/地區當成是動物園一樣看,有什麼問題? 那表示這個國家令我著迷,繼而, 我會花更多的時間去了解她. 我花了不少時間去看有關墨國drug war 的新聞, 分析,評論, 可以說,我在有關方面的知識比某些墨國同學更多.

相反, 我對不少香港新聞的了解很少/很片面, 我甚至不在乎.

想指出的是, 為什麼對於另一世界的事我可以那麼關心,為什麼對於近在咫尺的事,我卻不在乎?

還是, it is a human psyche that we always want to be somewhere else, thus the concerning issues ?

PAY OFF

記得之前的一篇叫文化溝通, 當中提到, 寫了一封電郵給組員,告訴他們, 我的不滿,有了一次坦誠的文化對話.

雖然Daniel的回郵像是小動物受傷後的極力反擊, 可是之後的幾次meeting, 他都很主動地提出意見, 相約見面. 是一個很好的改善. :)

最後一次的課堂準備, 我們相約商討如何設計課堂.

或許因為大家都累了,也因著那次的文化對話, 大家都很舒服地做自己. 於是又有了另一次的文化交流, 不過, 這次是開心的.

他們告訴我, 墨國人不喜歡hostel culture, 不喜歡和一群不熟的人混在一起,尤其是男女. 所以墨國人通常會去酒店.

他們說, 12月是party--xxx月, 不記得那個party  term. 墨國人的party culture, 甚至有pre 和 post-- xx 的月份, 其實只是想繼續party, 把快樂延續. 

他們說在1月有一個節日, 就是會吃面包, 1月6日, 如果你吃的面包,當中有一個人形figure, 就表示你要舉辦 fiesta, 讓大家have fun.

他們也留意到,我們那個由學生設計的英語改善課程根本就是fundermentally flawed. 因為不少班級只是看電影而已. 那些老師學生沒有多大得著, 辜負了他們的長途跋涉. 因此想向當局 (TEC)提出建議, 要他們審查學生的教學方法.

他們說, 其實這也反應著墨國教育的問題, 老師沒有受到很好的Training, not well-equipped for the teaching, directly afecting the next generation.

不知道這和那次文化對話有沒有關係, 但看到他們的積極, 可以坦誠地分享, 勇敢地去面對自己國家的黑暗面, 還是讓人鼓舞的.

我想, 我應該是他們的朋友吧. 而不是那些他們印象中, 不可一世, 自我感覺良好的外國人.

西班牙文與全球化

去了一個小吃站吃tacos, (Local staple food), 結帳的時候,用我那笨拙的西班牙文, 跟老闆說,

"la factura?"  (the bill)
為了表現自己的有禮貌, 加了一句, "por favor".

坐在我身邊的男人開口了,大概是, 外國學生來到這裡學會的只有三個西班牙文,
1. gracias,  (thank you)
2. por favor,  (please)
3.la cerveza (beer)


他說得很平淡,但卻帶點嘲諷的意味. 不過, 我可不懂"la cerveza", 但我知道什麼是"martini" 和"tequila". 哈哈. 


--------
然後是去學校電腦室找技術員,問了一句, "habla ingles?" (speak english?)


他帶點憤怒地說, "no ingles, aqui Mexico." (no english, here is mexico)


然後用我那爛透了的西班牙文去溝通. 


--------
去immigration office 辦學生簽證, 那裡的工作人員很少懂得英文, 甚至在monterrey air port 過海關, 那裡的工作人員也懂得不多的英文. 
於是, 在3小時課的break中, 和一個墨國同學談到我的沮喪, 說了一句,

'I don't know, the Customs and the  immigration office are supposed to represent Mexico, to host foreigners and shape their very first impression of Mexico. but such language barrier doesn't welcome us.  '


同學無言了, 只好說, "yep, we are working on it."


看著他的困窘,我頓覺自己的失言. 什麼時候開始,我們用英文作為是進步,達標,國際化的代表?
用那一種,"我來這,是對你國家的幫忙,是看得起你的表現." , 顧客心態去消費貧窮,消費該國的紙醉金迷, 真的shame on myself.


Spanish is widely spoken in Latin America, except Brazil speaks Portuguese and Haiti speaks French. 

why do they have to feel shame about their limited language? 


and why shouldn't visitors/tourists like me, reflect on our ignorance over such richness and the way  locals take pride on their heritage? 

那種的不忿不過是為自己的無能 找代罪羔羊罷了.

話雖這麼說,如果他們能說英文的話, life will be a lot easier and of course, allowing cultural exchange a lot richer and fruitful.

文化溝通

想寫很多字, 可是時間不允許. 在墨國的義工英文班, 因為不太滿意組員的不負責任,寫了一封電郵,表達自己的意見,得到的回應是,我太不近人情/通情達理, 跟其他外國學生一樣,把自己當成墨國的救世主...
走坦白與收斂的鋼線...
 或許只能怪自己的不善言辭/辭不達意...

當中的文化對話 讓我Emo 了一整個週未.

--------------------

"To be frank, I am quite disappointed with what we did last week.
all were so impromptus, yep. we made it, and it seemed that teachers were quite involved. but what do they get in the end?
Demonstrating such teaching experience, they already have hands-on experience. some of them are working, some of them are teaching on trial.

they drive half an hour or travel for a long way, just for such class activity, If i were them, I would be frustrated.

I really hope we can be more prepared for the lecture, not only for the future of Mexican education, but also as a responsible individual. yep, all of us have different commitments. but do remember, the English Class for Normalista is one of such commitments.

(I know Mexicans don't express their 'negative' feelings openly. but I am a Hong Kong Chinese, I believe an effective communication should be knowing what each one of us thinks.)
"

------------------------
Dear Chau,

Thanks for your suggestions and comments, even so and showing you that not all mexicans Do Not express our"negative" feelings opnely, but its because we wanna handle situations with respect and smartly, i would like to stress some points.

* I agree we need to improve our class, and i agree we can do better, but we also must cosider we are not Professinal teachers, like them, we are trying without a guide to do it.

* I dont think it´s good to go to another country and judge our commitment if you dont really know what is behind every individual, but i have noticed foreigners come to Mexico, and feel like in a zoo, judging and trying to save the word, sorry we are not those great economies, which dont have poornes, problems, or these kind of issues, But we have great thinhs, as mexicans, we are happy, more than it seems, and great feelings, and hope, and desire to improve and get that our country is a better place for us.

* And we all can frustations, things happens, but also, its our responsability to get over.

Dont take it personal, but we all have things to do, priorities, and commitments to acomplish.


Have a nice day, and thanks for contributing in MÉXICO.
Daniel
-------------------


Dear Daniel,
Thanks for your openness. I highly appreciate that. Which at least sheds lights on what happened the communication between two cultures.

* Professional teaching is not demanded but the heart counts.
what I am trying to point out is that as an organizer, being unprepared for the lecture is something unwanted and avoidable. it is about attitude towards the issue. Being unprofessional in terms of skills can be accepted. but being Unprofessional in ATTITUDE, that's something inexcusable.

*the previous email is nothing against Mexico or whatever you might interpret.
there may be different reasons behind actions and inactions, but most of the time, actions and inactions shape people's perceptions, and perceptions is reality.

By no means, I hold the legitimacy to present myself as a savior of Mexico. the reason for my to join voluntary program is same as I did in Hong Kong. To live and learn.

of course, it is true that 'much is given, much is expected.' to certain extent, there is a hierarchical relationship between the volunteers and the service beneficent. Yet, more important as a volunteer is, 'giving is receiving'. I am honored to be trusted by those teachers, being shared with their innermost emotions; humbled by their strength / desire, making every means possible to achieve what they want.

I don't know by which way I behave makes me to fall into your 'foreigner-self-regarded-savior' stereotype. Anyway, hereby I want to clear out that, such stereotype doesn't work for me. I absolutely agree with what you have pointed out, the positivity, the strength and element of 'Hope' have embedded into Mexicans. I am impressed, and salute for such life-fighter spirit.

Every country has its own problems, US, look at its slow discovery from the credit crunch, UK, just announced 50,000 job cutting....

By no means, Mexico has to demean itself in the face of so-called 'great economies'.

sometimes, It is the self-demeaning mentality that generates victimization.

* yes, people have different priorities, but it doesn't mean that they can forgo one which constitutes the integrity of responsibility shouldered upon.


Have a nice weekend.

Chau

-----------------
He didn't reply. Instead, He wrote on his facebook status.
Mi conciencia tiene para mí más peso que la opinión de todo el mundo." Marco Tulio Cicerón.

My conscience got to me more weight than the opinion of the whole world. "Marcus Tullius Cicero.

hmmm....

生命鬧劇

(文章本應兩星期前寫, 可是因為考試, 因為有其他活動, 拖到今天才寫)
一切都很surreal.

槍擊案在monterrey越來越嚴重,10月5日的一個平凡的下午, 在校園外, 發生了槍擊, 而且更有傳言說,有炸彈襲擊. 校方立刻關閉了校門,不讓人進出. 一片人心惶惶.

第二天,學校開了一個security meeting for international students.
"we need information."

學校寄了電郵給交換生的home uni, 而交換生在兩天後收到自己大學的電郵, 才知道發生了什麼事.
 "it is ridiculous. we are the students who are affected, what's the use of notifying our uni and thorough our Uni to tell us what has happened 2 days later. " an international student said,

"we need information. I was on my way to school, yet the school was closed." an other said.

"at least, we need to be informed what happened, where to stay, if the school is going to close, at least, someone should inform us beforehand."

校方發言人連聲道歉.  "that's why we are holding a security meeting to inform you what's going on."

"what's the use of it? huh? same meeting on the same issue held 2 months ago. what have you done? we complained the same policy, 2 months later, it is still the same. tell me, what have you done?"

那校方發言人無言了.

另一校方發言人嘗試去解釋, 卻自取其辱.

"Maria can testify, when it (the shooting / the close of the school entrance) happened, I was in my office, around 6 pm. I was going to bathroom before leaving. and a security guard told me there was a shooting and the school was closing the entrance.I really didn't know what happened."

台下一片嘩然.

"then who ordered to close the gate?"

"apparently, it is an  internal bureaucratic chaos. They don't even know what they were doing. damn."

然後是, 不同的建議要求校方開放資訊. facebook page, twitter...
有人要求reliable sources, 有人覺得不可行, 有人說, "I don't mind unreliable sources, at least let me know what's going on. even false."

看著那些校方發言人的困窘, 看著那些交換生的咄咄逼人, 很他媽的超現實.
對不起, 兩方面都不想幫.

是的, 校方的bureaucracy, 真他媽的麻煩, 這個部門推那個部門, 把問題推來推去, 又不肯改, 該罵.

而某些交換生, 擺出一副 "我來這裏交流是看得起你" 的姿態, 一副高人一等的嘴臉, 真他媽的屁股眼.

最後, 校方發言人提出一個方案, 交換生可以用online 方式完成課程, 意思是,學生可以離開墨國, 至少是離開monterrey. 但他們很聰明地加了一個條件, Provided that "you have obtained all your professors' approval." 把球踢給了另一個部門.

兩星期後的今天, 那些教授面對學生的要求, 說, "我不知道, 沒有人跟我說過當中的措施'.
又或者, "you talk to my boss (the department head). if my boss says 'yes, then you can go. '"


看著這一場的鬧劇, 真的感到, 他媽的超現實.
借朋友的一句 "荒謬世界需要黑色幽默。"

還有別的辦法嗎?

因為槍擊,牽涉的人命越來越廣,一直只是有關的販毒集團和警方, 這些利益者之間的爭戰, 可是最近在monterrey的槍戰已危害到一般的平民大眾.
大家都戰戰兢兢地活著, 除了把[萬事小心]掛在口中, 其實能做的也不多.

然後便是有關交流生的去留問題.
除了明顯的安全考慮外,我很佩服的幾位來自捷克的同學, 她們說,在TEC學習不了什麼, 好像是在浪費時間.

佩服她們是在文化課上, 她們的見解開了我的視野, 她們可以看到歐洲文化如何影響著拉美, 而又如何可以從現象中去看歐洲文化的墮落, 像在談巴拉圭的一個部落文化,原來當中竟有一位是捷克的貴族, 在幾年前去世了, 可是至死也保留著當中, "我是來自文明社會, 我是白人", Which can reflect the social hierarchy in latin america. 她們除了捷克語外, 還會西班牙語, 葡萄牙語, 德語, 真的很厲害.

不知道是不是因為TEC緊湊的學習時間表, 一下子喂你吃很多, 以至消化不良,不能吸收, 所以她們覺得學不到什麼,..  (大概只是我把自己投射到她們身上)所以想離開...

不過另一位同學則指出,  在這裡太多Readings了, 而教授又用測驗的方法去驅使學生閱讀, 受不了這種家長式的教育, 也不想做. 她覺得readings沒有用, 看了readings, 那上堂來幹嘛?

可是, 這不是學習的一種嗎? 你讀readings, 上課討論, 在討論中互相啟發, 她那種, 教授上堂講, spoon-feeding的 mentality又何嘗不是一種的損失? 失去了互相討論/爭辯, 互相學習的機會...

究竟大學學習／教授方法該如何?
這群 twenty-something 學生又該如何去為自己定位?

Human Touch

終於明白當中的情緒低潮的原因, 除了M前綜合症外, 還有就是少了一種Human Touch.

這裡的人生是, 每天7點多走路上學, 上課, 上完課, 然後去圖書館用電腦, 讀Readings, 上拳擊課,上課, 放學, 回家, 吃飯...星期六去做義工, 星期日做功課...

和host mum, housemate 談一兩句, 回房, 上網, 看readings...
有時真的很孤獨...

人是social animals, 總不能活在這種狀況下, I have the need to talk, chit-chat doesn't count. it is just, sometimes, we need time to talk about life, relationship....

Jacintha, 經常碰面, 一星期五天, 有時 run out of discussion topics, 有時想逃...

是的, 那種dispensible, 沒有價值, 不知該把心和身放在哪裡的無重感,有時叫人抓狂...

在這裡也有13個香港學生, 可他們都住宿舍, 而且因為遲了一個星期來墨國, 沒能打入他們的圈子...住host family 的兩個HKU學生, Ayo overloaded himself with 6 courses, no time for the meeting.
Luke, err...

總之就是很難找一個可以談得來的人....

---------
下午, 上完課, Jacintha 陪我去買coffee, 她說, "I feel like talking to somebody." 大概是這個星期都沒怎麼交談, 我答應了她的談天邀請.

然後我們便坐在學校門口的草地上, 夕陽的餘輝灑在我們身上, 看著近處的車水馬龍, 望著遠方的天空, 想起昨天的槍擊, 談著人生, 而想起昨天附近的槍擊, 我們都不約而同地談到了死亡,

" there are gunmen lurking around, and accidentally shot us to death."我打趣.

"ha, it was such a nice death. with beautiful sunset, and to die with you. haha" she said.
然後又談到往事.

她說, 在大一時, 曾成立一個society, raising money to give out scholarship for poor Indian students in her university, to run cheap tutorial classes for A-level students... she was responsible for the fund-raising.
with such mission, she came to meet the "Big Shots" in Singapore, like Lawyers, high-ranking officials, bankers, she alone raised 300,000 HK.

but with the internal power struggles in the society, the money raised was misused, and due to her outspoken personality, she was badmouthed, all her effort went un-noticed....

she has still been haunted by the feeling demoralized and discouraged from such incident....

談了40分鐘, 我去上森巴舞,很clumsy, 但出了一身汗, 正能量多了. 之後,同學說, 有一個籌款活動, 捐20 PESO, 跑3K, 再集體跳森巴...
沒有帶運動鞋, 赤腳跑...

 不知怎得, 又好像生活有力了....

listening

最近喜歡的一首...

恭碩良---life

life is not fair... life is not fair....
難免, 在人生低潮時, 總是抱怨很多, 怨當中的先天不足, 怨人生路比人難走...
不過, 路還是要走下去...

想起中學時一位中文老師用post-tip 寫的一段:

生命中充滿了許多笑與淚, 苦與樂, 你一路走來, 走得踏實, 也叫人驕傲

很老生常談,  過程比結果重要.
需多一點的信心, 多一點的智慧與更多的謙卑,去面對生命中的冷水暖流.

Random

因為旅行, 戒了一個星期的電腦, 回來後, 一連看了一整天的新聞, 覺得自己很無知, 世界很大, 而自己的知識是如此地貧乏, 有一種知識貧乏焦慮症. 又想到自己在兩年的大學生涯, 看的readings 很少, being a year3 student, feel like intellectually ignorant, 而這裏的學生的視野很廣 (起碼有大半班的local politics students ), 不但知道墨國的事, 近至美國,加拿大 (coz of the NAFTA free trade among the three countries), 遠至中東, 甚至亞洲, 泰國是亞洲唯一沒有成為殖民地的國家, 他們都知道...更是覺得自己的無知....


知恥近乎勇,於是很努力地讀 readings, but damn, everyday 40 pages, life is not sustainable, and it really leaves me no time for Spanish.  To make it worse, due to sleep deprivation,  the effectiveness and efficiency of my reading process is poor.

I could not recall or link all the stuffs together during the discussion. 5 hours for 30-page long reading....

人變得易燥,而且對自己的力有不逮既恨又無奈... anti-social syndrome sets in.

-----
心情不太好的時候, 我喜歡去剪頭髮.

墨國的太陽很勤奮, 下午6點了, 還是辣辣地掛在半空. 上完課後, 去了一家朋友介紹的理髪店. 店鋪只有一個人, 店主是一個看上去60多的老伯, 不高, 行動有點緩慢, 會說英文, 很友善.

他慢慢地幫我洗頭,不時有水花濺在我的臉上, 客人是坐在椅子上,把頭往後靠在盥盆上, 雖然只是短短幾分鐘, 可辛苦了我的脖子.

在他給我的髪型雜誌中選了一個短髮.
他把書放在座位旁, 看著幫我剪.

他說, 他來自墨國南部一個美麗的城市, beautiful scenery yet life is hard. 跟中國一樣, 墨國也有地區發展不平均的情況, 墨國是南窮北富 而南面卻又是文化/種族最多元化的地區, 古老的瑪雅文明便在墨國的南部, 還有鄰國 Guatemala, Belize, Honduras.  

他說,他來monterrey 有30年了.
他說,他喜歡剪頭髮, to him, hair-cutting is form of art.
他說, 他在大學時, 讀的便是arts, 而剪頭髮是其中一個Course.
他說, he has one brother and one sister.  His brother is operating another salon in another district. His sister is a social worker in a University.

他打了個呵欠, 問他是不是累了, 他回答, "I am just a bit restless these days. you know, the end of the month, people run out of money. but, tomorrow, hope tomorrow will be different."

Hope for Tomorrow.
Despite today's unpleasant circumstances, as long as there is hope for the future, people can still carry on. and Mexican people have hope. 
想起在國慶前, 有同學問,with regard to the current drug wars, 為什麼墨國不停止慶祝活動, 西班牙老師的一句, "we have got a life to live, we can't stop enjoying life. "

The word of the day: Hope

Learn to be hopeful and we have got a life to live.

帶著一個袁詠儀在<金枝玉葉>的頭開心回家.

雜記

因為墨國慶祝她獨立200週年,於是逃了2天課, 在星期一的晚上乘overnight bus 離開所在的城市---Monterrey, 與3個新加坡學生一起去Zacatecas, Guadalajara y Guanajuato. 


3個新加坡學生, 一個是Jacintha, 一個是Leon, 一個是從內地到新加坡讀書的maoching. 其實所有的行程都是Leon 和Maoching 計劃的, 我喜歡做 free rider. 他們的西班牙文好嘛, much is given, much is expected. 其實我們也是去了當地, 然後到當地的Tourism office 拿地圖和問職員, 該去哪裡; 又或者是問我們的hostel 老闆, 有什麼好推介, 再經衡量去想去的地方. 很隨性,也很舒服. 


太多感覺, 很難把它們好好地組織起來,以自己那種professionist 的態度一定會把entry一拖再拖,怕記憶經不起在年月流逝的考驗. 所以寫一篇隨筆吧. 有空的時候再出賣友人的 juicy故事.

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之前寫, 墨國很少人乘巴士, 而且不安全; 經過這趟旅行後,改觀了. 
我們去不同的城市, 乘坐的都是巴士. 很安全, 你可以一覺睡到終點. 不用怕打劫, 也不用怕有人會偷竊. 

墨國的長途巴士分3個等級. 
最高級的, 像是飛機的商務客位, 軟座, 有獨立耳塞,可自動換台, (可選擇看電影, 或是不同的電台), 有腳墊, 總之就是舒服二字. 


第二級, 軟座, 沒有獨立耳塞,  沒有腳墊, 只能選擇看電影與否,其實也沒有選擇, 因為無論你看不看,電影都播放著. 


第三級,硬座, 什麼也沒有...

因為隨性而行,到巴士總站隨便選一家巴士公司買票,結果我們乘搭了三種巴士.

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不懂西班牙文真的是一個很大的問題,  most of tour guides in museums speak in Spanish, illustrations and explanation of the exhibitions are in Spanish, 言語問題, 很難和這些城市, 這個國家和這裏的人談戀愛.曾看過一篇文章, 說的是兩個言語不通的人愛上了對方, 然後靠翻譯字典談了一輩子的戀愛, 作者慨嘆當中的戀愛疲倦.  可是經此一遊, 倒是在想, 若沒有內容, 又怎能戀一世的愛? 雖然疲倦, 也說明了大家去彼此的在乎. 畢竟一段關係還是要好好地經營的....

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在這裏買東西, 人們不習慣討價還價.明碼實價,喜歡就買, 不喜歡就拉倒.
若你真的很喜歡, 又覺得太貴, 便露出一臉的喜歡, 再帶點遺憾的表情, 店主便會主動把價錢降至他/她覺得可以的價錢. 「一走了之」的壓價方法是行不通的. 


我喜歡這種mentality,省卻了不少麻煩, 也不會有因為還價能力低而導致「唉呀, 買貴了」的遺憾.墨國人就有這種樂天知命, 隨遇而安的性格, 當中的正能量也感染著我們. 


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墨國是一個很浪漫的地方, 人們隨地擁吻,  在公園, 在廣場, 在巴士站, 一切都是那麼自然. 最深刻的一幕是在一個叫 kissing valley 的地方, 一位老伯在群眾的嘩叫中, 吻了他圍著頭巾的老伴.
kissing valley 是一個墨國版的Romeo-and-Juliet 故事.  (according to Maoqing)


一個窮礦工和一個富家千金在教堂彌撒中一見鍾情, 可是千金的爸爸不允許, 要女兒要麼嫁給西班牙的一個有錢老頭, 要麼給軟禁在一間獨立的屋子內. 女子選了後者. 


礦工後來掘到金子, 成了有錢人, 便在富家千金的屋子旁蓋了另一暑房子, 由於兩間房子很近的關係, 兩人可以隔著陽台接吻. 


好景不常, 千金的爸爸發現了,在一番的爭論中, 千金死在父親的槍下.....


留給世人的教訓是: 
如果你跟情人到此, 一定要在kissing valley kiss each other, then you will have 5-year good luck or else, you will have 6-year bad luck...


and indeed , lots of people were queuing for such KISS. and the old couple are one of those. 


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Music is a universal language, sports are a universal language. One mexican guy told me that Kiss and sex are universal languages too. 


well, I have not turned into a slut yet....